Heart Cleaning

Have you ever had one of those moments where you realized you were, well, kind of a jerk?

No one who knows me would deny I operate on drama-mode. Meaning, I feel things deeply, analyze things thoroughly, and discuss my opinions loudly. I always say I don’t start drama, it just kind of finds me. Like geese.

But that’s another story for another day.

Recently, I’ve been dealing with a really frustrating situation. The details of it aren’t important, but basically, I dealt with it all day, every day. Each morning when I woke up, I would try to have some quiet time with God, but my heart would be in such a bad mood. Kind of like how the rest of me gets when I skip lunch.

It was one of those situations that required addressing the conflict. And although I am no stranger to the dramas, I despise conflict. Like, seriously, I would rather give up my morning cup of coffee than bring up a problem.

So I prayed about it, which was the right thing to do. But there was still a problem.

No one has ever told me I have a small mouth. In fact, sometimes when the dentist tells me to open wide, he tells me to actually open my mouth a little less. It’s cavernous.

But I also tend to have a big mouth when it comes to my frustration. I found myself running my mouth about my frustrations with any friend who would listen. I was just SO over the issue.

And then, the other afternoon, God spoke to me. Not audibly, but in my heart.

I took a deep breath and addressed the conflict in the best way I knew how, then was smacked with the reality that, even though I’d addressed the problem in the right way, leading up to it had been all wrong.

When I got back to my apartment, I flopped on the couch.

“I am SUCH a sinner!” I declared to my roommate, who was trying to do her homework.

Bless her heart, she endures so much.

Rather than stick to praying and trusting that God would help me in the situation, I spent so much time complaining about it to others. While it would’ve been totally fine to tell a friend about what was going on so she could pray I would handle it correctly, it was not the best idea to just run my mouth. I was self-absorbed and selfish.

I had to repent about that and tell God I was sorry for trying to get other people to share in my frustration instead of leaving the problem in God’s hands.

But I also had to thank Him. Yeah, it hurt a lot to have God point out my sin, but it was necessary. Like removing a splinter. The process hurts, but it gets out the bad thing that will ultimately only hurt you.

While it might feel good to hold onto something and express frustration over it, it’s like a poison. You don’t want that junk in your heart.

Believe it or not, it’s not exactly fun for me to admit my brokenness to you. But I do so to encourage you.

I tell you all of this to encourage you to take whatever that One Thing is and give it to God. Completely. Like, take your hands off of it and back away. Rather than mumble and grumble and complain, give it to Jesus.

You know what? I can still be frustrated with my situation. It hasn’t completely disappeared. But God in His grace chose to clean and realign my heart, rather than leave me in the mud of my frustration. He chose to use the situation to show me an area in my life where I was weak.

He used the situation to remind me of how much I need His grace. Because, frankly, I can be a mess.

Psalm 51:10 says,

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”

God sent Jesus to earth to live the perfect life that we could never live. And then He took all of our junk and died a sinner’s death so we can live a life free of guilt and shame and the grossness of our sin. Then after defeating sin, He defeated death itself by rising from the dead. Thank God, He doesn’t give up on us when we catch a case of the crazies.

What’s something you need to let go of today? A grudge? Unforgiveness? Disappointment? Anger?

Take it to Jesus. Ask Him to clean your heart and give you an attitude that reflects His grace. Then thank Him for shaping you to look more like Him.