Ruth Anne Crews holds a Masters of Divinity in Youth Ministry from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary and a Bachelor’s in Journalism from Samford University. When she isn’t chasing around little kids as a nanny, she’s hanging out with middle and high school girls teaching about God’s love for them. She loves writing, reading, and all things pop culture. Follow along with her adventures on Instagram (@ruthannecrews) and her blog, Walking in My Shoes (ruthannecrews.com).
When I was in middle school, the “I kissed dating goodbye” movement reached its peak and one of the most influential voices in my young life began to say that she wasn’t going to kiss her husband until their wedding day. So naturally, it became something I would say. A few years later, she admitted to kissing her now husband before their wedding. I remember saying—or at least thinking, “If she can’t do it, neither can I,” and that was the end of that.
But then I graduated high school without ever having a boyfriend. Freshmen year turned into Sophomore year, then junior year, and eventually senior year, and there was never a boy. When you go to a “ring by spring school,” you can name 15 girls off the top of your head who are engaged, it can feel like the whole world is married. During that time, I began to say that I wanted to be able to tell my husband, “You’re the only man I’ve ever kissed.” And it’s even more true today as 26-year-old who has yet to ever even go on a date.
Here’s the thing: It’s one thing to say that. It’s quite another to live it out. I have no idea what that looks like. I don’t know if that means it’ll be when I know that I know that I know that I’m going to marry this guy. Or if it’s when he’s down on one knee with a ring in his hand saying, “I love you, will marry me?” Or if it’s when the person marrying us says, “I now pronounce you man and wife, you make kiss the bride.” Or if it’s sometime that weekend before the wedding because having my first kiss in front of bunch of people sounds like a terrible idea.
So, why did I tell you all that? Because I want to brag on myself and tell you how holy I am because I’ve never kissed a boy? No. It’s taken me a long time to get here and be okay with still having all my firsts.
Listen, I’m 26 and literally still have all of my firsts. It’s really easy for me to get caught up in that, feeling like I’m so far behind everyone else around me. But after having multiple conversations with friends, I began to realize that having all my firsts is not a bad thing, but a gift. A gift to the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. The man I’ll have all my firsts with.
Maybe you’re single and reading this thinking, “I wish that was my story. I wish I had firsts left to give.” Sweet girl, the Lord’s forgiveness is great and it covers any mistake you may have made with a boy. But any first you have with the man you’re going to spend the rest of your life with will be special because it’s your first date with him, your first kiss with him, and everything else.
Whatever first you do have left, really think about it and begin to see it as a gift to your future husband. And any boy who tries to take that first from you is NOT worth your time, trust me.
(P.S. to read previous posts in this series, click here)