Open Hands

Three years ago, I published All of This, a young adult novel. Before the book even came out – pretty much the day after I finished revising the story – I wrote a sequel. That was three years ago.

For three years, I’ve known what happens after that final sentence in All of This. For three years, I’ve had the answers to the biggest questions readers are left wondering about.

Three years ago, I began writing a story that challenged me more as a writer than any other manuscript I’d written. I delved deeper into the mind of my main character and wrote some storylines that freaked me out a little because I wondered if I’d be able to pull them off.

I’ve loved that new project for three years, and I had plans to have it in the hands of readers long before now.

But then I felt God nudging me to grad school, and I moved away from home for the first time.

I stepped onto campus as a full-time Masters student and quickly learned that’s a whole other level than earning a bachelor’s degree. I found a local church, began to serve there, and joined a small group. I picked up a couple part time jobs. I grew friendships. I wrote guests posts for my school’s women’s blog, I spoke about writing in a few classes, I traveled, and I did everyday life stuff like cooking and cleaning and learning to keep plants alive (still working on that last one).

But I never forgot about that writing project.

For a while, I tried to work on it here and there. After all, the story was told – it just needed some work to make it look like an actual book. But homework kept me up late into the night and classes got me up early each morning.

I was so frustrated. When I’m not writing, I don’t fully feel like myself. I really thought I was supposed to tell that story, and I prayed about it. But I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t make it happen.

Then a little while ago, I realized something: Maybe God was asking me to trust Him with my dreams. Maybe He wanted my full attention on studying ministry during my time in seminary. Maybe He wanted to grow me in other areas, allow me to live new experiences, teach me my identity isn’t found in my author title.

When I realized that, I did something difficult: I stepped away.

I still thought about the story I loved so much. Still jotted some notes down here and there. But I didn’t consistently spend time with the manuscript. And while that bothered me a lot, it also felt like relief.

See, I had to learn to live with open hands. I had to put the story – and my heart for writing – in my outstretched palms and hold it out to God. I had to say, “Even if I never get to share this story with readers. Even if my life takes me in a different direction. You know my heart and you designed me with this passion on purpose. So  I trust you.”

Even if…I trust You.

And that’s how I’m slowly learning to live. Not just with storytelling, but with all things.

I like to feel a sense of control. A lot. But there’s freedom in knowing it’s not up to you to hold it all together. And if your faith is in Christ, you have solid hope that He knows what He’s doing and He has His glory and your ultimate good in mind.

I had to learn to be okay with answering people’s questions with, “I honestly don’t know when the story will be finished. I’m focusing on school right now.”

Which felt weird to say because I wrote two manuscripts while I was a full-time college student – one of which became All of This. Letting go of the story also went against the writing advice we hear all the time: “Just keep writing. Write something every day. If if matters to you, you’ll make time for it.”

All of that can be really great advice. But when you’ve given your life to living God’s plan for you, the best advice is to trust. To give your dreams and plans and projects to Him and trust Him to use them however He wants.

Now that I’ve said all of that…I’ve graduated. I have my diploma in my apartment. I’m not spending my evenings with my nose in a commentary. I’m going to bed at a reasonable time (who even am I??).

And I’m writing again.

I’ve dusted off that sequel, and I’m diving into it as often as I can. I’ve learned some things over the past few years that I’m able to pour into the story to make it stronger. I have a renewed sense of purpose for it, more energy to rearrange scenes and fill in plot holes, and even more of a desire to get the story into the hands of readers.

I don’t know what’s next for this project. I don’t have any ideas about when it’ll be completely done or how it’ll be published or when you’ll read it.

But honestly? That doesn’t scare me as much now. Because I’ve recently been reminded of why I do what I do in the first place: To point to King Jesus in all things.

It’s all by His grace and for His glory.

Question: Have you ever set something aside for a season, even though you loved it? What did you learn from the experience?

The first printed copy of my latest manuscript – ready for some serious editing!

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The Fake Kid and My Real Sister

I love discussing my teen novel, All of This, with readers. It’s fun to chat about the characters like they’re real people…because in my mind, they kinda are. I also love hearing what readers imagines happens next after they reach “The End.”

While I’ve had all kinds of conversations about Sadie, Truitt, Becca, and the rest of Pecan Creek’s residents, some questions come up more than others. Here’s one of them:

“Is Trissy based off your little sister?”

In case it’s been a while since you’ve read the book, or in case you haven’t read it yet (click here to grab a copy), remember that Tristan “Trissy” Elliot is Sadie’s eight-year-old cousin. She’s got bright orange/red, curly hair and a firecracker personality.

My little sister is also eight, and if we’re friends on any kind of social media, you know she’s creative, sassy, and very animated. She’s also super similar to Trissy in a ton of ways. That’s a totally valid question.

But the weird thing? Trissy isn’t based on Ellen.

Ellen was two when I started writing All of This, and she was five when it was published. So I had no idea at the time what the eight-year-old version of my baby sister would look like.

Even though it’s impossible, it seems like I imagined Trissy to be like my sister. But really, eight-year-old Trissy came first. And Ellen ended up a lot like her.

Here are some spoiler-free similarities they share:

• Currently, they’re both eight years old.
• Larger-than-life imaginations and personalities.
• Daddy’s girls.
• A strong sense of justice.
• They like to stick their noses in conversations they shouldn’t be a part of because they like to know all there is to know.
• Curious about everything.
• Sharing a bed with either of them is setting yourself up for a kick in the face.
• Unique, bold, and creative fashion sense.
• Because of the people they’re around, they see themselves more as sixteen than eight.
• A big love of Barbies. Do you even know how many Barbie stilettos I’ve found with my foot?!
• Maternal instincts. They both look out for their people and their love language is doing things for others.
• They both blush if they hear you say the words “cute” and “boy” in the same sentence. Which sort of makes you want to say it more…
• Big, tender hearts. They hurt when others hurt, and they want to make things better.
• Pink-themed bedrooms.
• Distinctly Southern accents (they don’t have moms; they have mamas).
• Coffee drinkers.
• Cheesy sense of humor.
• They’re both into hugging it out when there’s a disagreement.
• Big vocabularies for kids their age.
• Fiercely loyal.

There are a few more things I could add to this list, but I’ll stop there. Mainly because I forgot the rest of the list (I really need to start writing this stuff down when it comes to me).

But still, there are some uncanny similarities between these kids, even though one came from my imagination when the real one was still a toddler.

I remind Ellen all the time that she’s my best buddy, and I included little Ellen in the acknowledgments section of the book, saying how she’s the inspiration behind every kid character I write. Who would’ve thought she’d end up so similar to one of the most fun kid characters I’ve written?

I have a feeling they’d be BFFs in real life. The world wouldn’t be ready.

Have you ever read about a character and been amazed at the similarities between them and someone you know in real life? Or maybe you’ve read a character’s journey that’s super similar to your own? Isn’t it weird?

Trissy bopped her way over to me and the strappy pair of sandals I was admiring. “What? Need some help? I’m pretty good with clothes and stuff.” 

I glanced down at the mismatched socks she wore with her plaid shorts. “Uh-huh. Listen, you’re also a kid, and you’re supposed to stick by me, okay?”

She smashed herself to my side, wrapping her arm around my waist. “How’s this?”

-All of This